Gaslighting can be hard to recognize, especially if you’re in the early stages of the process. The subtle and manipulative tactics that gaslighters use on their victims often cause them to feel confused and unsure of themselves. When you start to notice that someone you trust and care about may be using gaslighting tactics on you, it’s important to be able to recognize the signs as soon as possible so that you can get away from them before they do more damage. Here are five warning signs someone is gaslighting you and what you can do about it.
1) They constantly question your reality
No one likes being told they’re wrong. But if someone insists that you’re misremembering, exaggerating, or even making up your own reality to manipulate them or make yourself feel better, it’s time to step back and reevaluate your relationship. Often, people who gaslight know something is wrong—but they also enjoy having all of the power in a relationship. If they can question everything you say and do until you have no idea what’s real anymore, there’s nothing stopping them from controlling your behavior.
2) They use words like crazy, insane, and dramatic
Labeling you with disparaging terms like crazy or insane during an argument is a red flag. If your partner makes blanket statements about what you feel, think, or want—and they’re not true—they could be using these words to make you feel small and insecure. Words are a major component of gaslighting; if your partner uses negative labeling as a way to discredit your feelings, it can create doubt in your mind about what’s real and what isn’t. And when you can’t trust yourself or reality, that’s one more thing for a gaslighter to control.
3) They say you’re overreacting about something minor
If someone tells you that your reaction to something trivial is overblown, it’s a major red flag. Manipulators use gaslighting as a way to control you and keep you down. At first, they might pull little stunts like pretending not to hear you or calling your concerns petty. Later on, they might try to convince you that your judgmental feelings are wrong or even malicious. If someone puts words in your mouth and tries to make it seem like they’re more reasonable than you are, there’s an excellent chance they’re trying to gaslight you.
4) They say they didn’t do something when there’s proof they did it
Gaslighters are very good at lying and covering up things that would normally seem suspicious. They might even get you so worked up over something small that it becomes a big deal in your mind. If someone says they didn’t do something and there’s proof they did, then be wary of what else they could be hiding from you. This could indicate gaslighting is taking place, especially if other red flags are present.
5) They never apologize for anything
The most blatant warning sign of gaslighting is when someone never apologizes. If you find yourself having to constantly make excuses for your partner, it may be because they’re gaslighting you. Psychologists describe gaslighters as people who have trouble apologizing or admitting fault, even when it’s crystal clear that they’ve done something wrong