It’s not always easy to stay in love, and it’s certainly no guarantee that you will be in love forever. If you find yourself questioning whether or not your relationship can be saved, there are many things you can do to take action. Start by making sure you have healthy communication habits in place and then add the following ingredients to help solidify your relationship and keep the love alive for many years to come.
Small gestures matter
Research has shown that, when it comes to strengthening your bond with someone you love, it’s not big gestures that matter most, but rather, small ones. These don’t have to be life-changing moments; one study found that even saying thank you or giving a kiss on the cheek can go a long way. Think about how many moments in life we let pass by without communicating, says Stoppard. Every day presents multiple opportunities for both of you to show your partner you care and share why they’re special to you. A relationship is only as good as its communication: Don’t waste those chances!
Quality time
It’s easy to fall into routines with your partner, but sticking to them won’t help you keep your relationship fresh. Surprise your loved one by arranging an outing they didn’t know about; it doesn’t have to be anything elaborate, just small activities or experiences that you enjoy together. Rediscovering what made you attracted in each other will bring back those butterflies and make all of your time together more memorable. Spending time with each other doing activities that don’t involve the TV, cell phones, laptops, and so on. There’s something about staring at one another face-to-face in silence that can rekindle intimacy like nothing else. (Plus, it’s something you can really only do with your significant other.)
Intimacy
Never mistake intimacy for sex. Intimacy is not only about physical interaction and closeness, but it’s also about being vulnerable to one another and creating an emotional connection. This can be as simple as sharing details about your day or discussing any struggles you may be having at work or school, allowing each other to help shoulder some of that weight. Sharing information like that allows partners who are intimate with one another to feel connected on a level beyond superficial conversation, which increases feelings of comfort within a relationship and strengthens your bond. Many people struggle with intimacy. Intimacy requires communication, and if you can’t communicate well, intimacy will be difficult. Communication is all about honesty and trust. Be honest in your relationship, always. Without honesty, you can never trust each other completely. Learn how to communicate better with your partner. Learn how to express yourself, control your temper, ask for what you want and need in bed and find out what he or she wants as well…and much more!
Are you listening?
When it comes to communication, listening is key. In fact, you may have heard that most communication problems in relationships are due to ineffective listening rather than poor speaking. If you’re having trouble communicating with your partner, try making an effort to really listen instead of jumping into problem-solving mode every time there’s an issue. After all, if you don’t truly understand where they’re coming from and why they feel as they do, how can you possibly agree on what course of action to take? It’s easy to get distracted in conversation or get so caught up in your own train of thought that you tune out what your partner is saying. Take time to truly listen. Put down your phone and refrain from interrupting—those few minutes spent hearing what he or she has to say will make a big difference over time. Instead of listening with one ear, listen with both.
Are you compromising your needs?
Compromise is definitely a huge part of any relationship—after all, you’re making decisions together. However, in order for that compromise to work well, both partners need to be clear about their needs and what they are (and aren’t) willing to do in order for the relationship to work. Getting those needs out on paper can help prevent one partner from getting frustrated and walking away from something that otherwise might have worked. Of course, if you’ve already walked away from something—like having kids or buying a house—you probably won’t get your hopes up at first. But there’s no harm in trying again, right? Plus, talking through your differences will bring you closer together than ever before when you reach an agreement that works for both of you.
Long-distance relationships are hard
There are too many distractions, miscommunications, and other sources of trouble that might get in your way. If you’re planning on having a long-distance relationship with your significant other, make sure you have open communication with each other at all times. Try to minimize chances for misunderstandings by having weekly video chats and phone calls so that you can stay in touch while still respecting each others’ personal space. Even just watching an online TV show together can help build intimacy while minimizing unnecessary distractions. That way, when you do see each other in person, it will be like seeing an old friend again rather than meeting someone new for the first time!
Don’t forget about self-care
It’s easy to get wrapped up in your relationship and neglect self-care, but remember that your partner is not responsible for managing your emotions or making you happy. If things start getting stressful, be honest with yourself about whether you need time alone. This can be especially helpful if you feel like something isn’t right in your relationship and aren’t sure how to articulate it. Setting boundaries around communication can be difficult in long-term relationships, but they are important so that each person feels safe enough (and feels like their needs are being taken care of) to discuss any problems. A healthy relationship isn’t just about compromise and compromise. It’s also about making sure you have time for yourself, and that you have your own time apart from each other as well. In fact, research shows that self-care is one of the biggest predictors of positive relationships—and it’s super important. No matter how much you love your partner, or care about them if you don’t make room for yourself in your relationship, resentment can start to build up. And if both partners feel resentful towards each other without having an outlet for their emotions? That can lead to arguments—or worse: infidelity or divorce.