All couples fight. It’s natural when you spend all day together, and it’s also important to solve problems together as they arise instead of letting them stew over time. But if your fights are getting more frequent or intense, you might want to figure out how to stop fighting with your spouse completely. The good news is that by working on a few specific problem areas in your relationship, you can learn how to stop fighting with your husband or wife and resolve any issues you have so that you can be happy together going forward.
Understanding
While it may be tempting, it’s important not to personalize an argument. The last thing you want is to say or do something you’ll regret and use as ammunition for a future fight. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that arguing is an inevitable part of any relationship; that’s why it’s called relationship work. There will always be disagreements, but they don’t have to result in conflict. Instead of taking issues personally or reacting impulsively when something gets tense, it helps to remember what matters most: you want your marriage/relationship/partnership/etc.
Listening
Everyone’s relationship needs maintenance, but sometimes we forget that small gestures of affection are as important as words. That doesn’t mean you need a major public display of affection every time you leave for work; it just means listening when your partner is talking is one of those things that can take five minutes and make a huge difference. It may seem like too little effort for too little gain but remember: you only need to do it once in a while, but everyone appreciates it. You don’t even have to fully listen or agree; just knowing someone has heard what they’ve said gives them peace of mind, which will help prevent a fight before it starts. Read essentials to a healthy relationsip.
Acceptance
Being in a relationship means being able to accept your partner for who they are. Acceptance is important because it helps you put aside your differences and work on what matters most – love. Without acceptance, arguing becomes more difficult and often takes over from genuine efforts toward resolving conflict. If you want to learn how to stop fighting with your spouse, start by accepting that you’re both different people, and that’s okay. With acceptance comes a positive mindset which will help things get easier for both of you as time goes on. Don’t spend so much time trying to change one another but focus on learning to accept one another’s differences so that you can begin improving your life together as a whole, starting today!
Redirecting the conversation
When arguing about an issue, ask a simple question that gets you moving toward resolution. What do you think we should do about it? (Works best when preceded by something like, I’m just not sure what we should do here.) Another example: Is it possible that we could agree to disagree? Instead of trying to have one winner and one loser in every argument, focus on solutions and ways both parties can win. Remember that arguments don’t resolve issues; finding a solution does. Saying things like, Let’s come up with another solution, or What are some other options? It helps keep arguments focused on solutions instead of being stuck in disagreements over who’s right and who’s wrong. The goal is always peace rather than winning an argument.
Breaking bad habits (his, not yours!)
Unfortunately, being annoyed by behavior isn’t enough to make it go away. The only way to move forward is by confronting it directly, and that can be difficult if you fear a confrontation will upset him and throw off your relationship. So how do you start breaking bad habits? Sit down and talk with him about what you see as problems in your relationship. Chances are good that he’s already aware of at least some of them, but he also might not know how important they are for you or whether there’s something he can do about them. Breaking a bad habit can be hard, but it’s also an opportunity for growth.
The first step is understanding what triggers your partner’s negative behaviors and how you can help him or her make better choices when these situations arise. You could try to encourage and support new behaviors by helping your partner develop strategies for success. For example, if he usually watches sports on TV each day after work, maybe you suggest that he go out to dinner one night instead (there are many ways to exercise into a busy schedule). Or if she has a terrible time saying no when you ask her for favors, perhaps working out a simple yes/no/maybe system would help.
Separate space
While it may be tough in a small apartment or house, try and give each other some space. At home, you’re together all day, so it’s easy for fights to get heated. If you can split up your day, meeting at different parts of the house (your bedroom, his room) will keep things calmer. This way, when you’re having an argument, one of you won’t feel like they’re cornered in their room. Plus, having your own space gives you a place to go when things get rough. Heading into another room is more symbolic than anything else—you are giving yourself time and distance before responding.
Calm down before talking
Both sides usually get fired up and more worked up than anything else in an argument. And when we’re mad, it’s hard for us to listen to what our partner is saying and why they are saying it. It’s hard for us to take a step back and realize our spouse is not being willfully antagonistic or manipulative but instead just upset and passionate about his or her point of view. If you want to fix whatever has been broken in your relationship, try taking a step back before discussing it. Just cool off by taking some deep breaths before approaching him or her to help prevent things from escalating quickly.
Physical contact during conflict
Everyone needs physical contact, even during conflict. Many people feel weird touching their partners during a disagreement, but it can help you communicate effectively and resolve conflict faster. Simply holding hands while you talk can encourage you both to think more carefully about what’s being said and make it easier for each person to speak freely. It might be scary or difficult at first if you’re not used to touching each other when things are going badly, but try letting each other know that you appreciate having another human there by doing something as simple as placing a hand on their arm or thigh every now and then. Physical touch will help create more emotional safety in an uncomfortable situation—which is what we all want anyway!
Thank them afterward
Instead of telling them what you’re grateful for, show it. Thank them for spending time with you or listening to you vent about a bad day at work. Thank them for making dinner or cleaning up after your two-year-old threw spaghetti on the walls. This gratitude shows that they’re worth taking care of and caring about—and they want their partner to feel appreciated! Not only is a thank-you note a great way to end an argument, but it also demonstrates a commitment to working through conflict effectively that protects both people’s egos. Watch proverbs 31 man.