When you want to talk but your partner avoids conversation, what should you do? It’s an unfortunate reality that sometimes even the closest of relationships can cause feelings of insecurity and worry over unresolved issues. One of the most common causes of relationship trouble is when one partner is always asking the other questions and getting no answers in return. It’s easy to feel like your other half doesn’t care about you or what you’re thinking, or that they have something to hide. This can lead to an erosion of trust and, in some cases, even physical violence in relationships where it might not have occurred otherwise. Fortunately, there are ways to solve this problem before it becomes a real issue, as long as you approach it from the right angle and use the appropriate techniques. Although you may be upset or frustrated, remember that communication is key. You can talk about your feelings with him and discuss any problems that you’re having. The next time you want to talk but he doesn’t, use these tips to help open up communication between you both
Remember communication is key
Even though you might feel that he’s brushing you off, it could be a sign that he needs time to process what happened. When your partner doesn’t want to talk about an issue and instead is avoiding you, it can be hard to understand what’s going on. If your partner does anything other than listen and ask how you’re feeling after a negative situation, it’s important to remember that communication is key. In order for a relationship to work well, both partners need to feel like they can talk about whatever they’d like without fear of being judged or their issues being ignored. Encourage your significant other in any way you can but don’t push too hard for him to open up before he is ready.
Listen without judgment
It’s hard to know how to respond to a loved one who is upset or struggling with something. Maybe they have been upset for a while and it has come to a head and you are hoping they will finally open up, but instead they get irritated at your questions and have an outburst. If that happens, don’t respond in kind. Take time out if you need it, or ask what they would like from you rather than defending yourself or lashing out. Often times, people just want someone else to hear them out without judgment. Once someone feels safe sharing with you, then being supportive becomes easier.
Trust your feelings
If you feel something is wrong and your partner can’t or won’t open up, trust your gut. You shouldn’t have to coax information out of someone. If you feel like you are being ignored or brushed off, then that is probably what’s happening. In a relationship, each person needs to be able to express their thoughts and feelings with no fear of judgment—no matter how silly they might seem to their partner. It’s a mutual respect that needs to exist between partners in order for communication issues not to arise.
Use I statements
Being assertive and yet non-threatening is a delicate balance. The key to showing your feelings without provoking anger or defensiveness in your partner is to stick with I statements instead of you statements. For example, try something like: When you roll over and go to sleep without saying goodnight, it makes me feel lonely. By stating your feelings rather than blaming him for them, you make it less likely that he’ll feel defensive or attacked. This will help keep things calm between you both.
Ask open-ended questions
Sometimes it’s easy to say we need to talk, but what are you going to say and how are you going to get your point across? How exactly do you bring up that sensitive topic so that it doesn’t lead to an argument or make your partner clam up even more? One way is with open-ended questions. Sometimes referred to as reflective listening, these questions require more than a yes or no answer and give your partner space to elaborate on their thoughts.
Don’t be afraid to share your feelings
It’s important to communicate how you feel. Sure, it might be easier to brush things under a rug, but in long-term relationships, suppressing your feelings doesn’t help anyone. If you want to continue to enjoy your relationship and keep communication lines open, you need to find ways to share how you feel without criticizing or blaming. By taking an empathetic approach and speaking from a place of concern rather than blame or criticism, your partner will likely respond in kind. You don’t have control over what your partner does or thinks, but if you try approaching situations with empathy and sincerity instead of criticism and judgment, it will make things easier for both of you.