We sometimes ask ourselves, why do I have to work so hard at love?
That is a great question, is love supposed to be smooth flowing? How can you tell when you have found the one?
No relationship is easy; it takes time and work. To bake a cake, you need a recipe and ingredients; whether it is mama’s traditional recipe or some other shared method, there is a recipe for the cake you have in mind. Now it’s time to put everything together to make the cake of choice. This cake analogy ties in with the foundation of the relationship. Because with everything, whatever you put in, that’s what you get out. You cannot expect to put in water and flour without added ingredients and expect a lovely fruit cake. So in terms of relationships, do you think it is fair to say we should put in the work to improve and sustain the relationship and, in turn, reap the benefits of happiness?
Putting into perspective
Second analogy, say you bought a car fresh off the lot, with zero mileage, the latest model, and all the features you ever wanted in a car. Then, as years go by, you keep putting distance on the vehicle, and the only service you render to the vehicle is putting gas in to take you to and from, making this action less than the bare minimum for maintaining the vehicle. A few months, maybe years down the road, the car has mechanical issues due to low maintenance. Remember, the car was perfect when you got it. So you expected it to remain that way. However, your expectations did not align with your actions. You desired a reliable vehicle, but you did not put the time in to nurture it, complete necessary services like changing the oil, rotating the tires, etc. You somehow figured the car would maintain itself.
At the same time, you enjoy the benefits of having the perfect car while it lasts. When mechanical issues arise, you question the manufacturer or refuse to keep the car because it is not working as before. You later try to find another one because you think it’s better with another vehicle. So, for example, news flash, the car might not be the problem. Look within; if you continue to focus on only enjoying the benefits of saying you have a perfect vehicle but not nurture it, you will still have the same issue, nothing or no one is excellent; it all needs a little tender love and care.
With that being said, in our relationships, we tend to want it always be perfect, and when the slightest storm comes by, we want to run and find another ideal person. If you are in a relationship for the right purposes, then try doing a little service on your relationship monthly or even daily, depending on the need of your relationship. You have to put in the relationship what you want to get out.
Effective Communication
Effective communication is one of the essentials of a relationship. Knowing when to fight fair, when to agree to disagree (compromise), when to say I am sorry, when to listen, etc. There can be a lot resolved just by implementing effective communication in your relationships. You have to keep practicing this skill to be stronger at it like a muscle. Practicing and learning the strategies of effective communication will be worthwhile.
So do you want baked dough with just water and flour as the ingredient? Or do you want a fruit cake with all the necessary elements from your favorite recipe? Before you decide to quit on love or your partnership, take these questions in mind. We have to work to maintain and strengthen relationships because anything good takes time and effort. So if you want a happy relationship, it is possible never give up on yourself or your partner and, most importantly, work together as a team to develop a successful partnership.