Gaslighting happens when someone presents you with false information about the world to make you believe it’s true. If you know that what they’re saying isn’t true, but you find yourself doubting yourself and even questioning your memory and perception of reality, then you’re being gaslighted by someone who wants to dominate and control you. If this sounds like something happening in your life, here are some ways to tell if it is happening to you or not…
What is gaslighting?
The term gaslighting refers to an abusive pattern of behavior used by narcissists and sociopaths to instill in their victims a sense of unease, anxiety, and confusion—and sometimes make them doubt their memory, perception, and sanity. The term comes from a 1938 play called Gas Light, in which a man dims the gas lights in his home and then insists that his wife is imagining things when she points out that they are dimmer than usual.
Common signs you are being gaslighted
– You constantly question your memory, intelligence, and sanity.
-Your instincts tell you something is off, but you can’t pinpoint it.
-You often wonder if you’re going crazy and seek reassurance from others that your perceptions are correct.
-Sometimes you don’t feel like yourself—you may feel spaced out or disoriented.
-Other times, when you feel like yourself, you wonder how someone so smart could have fallen for something so obvious as a lie.
-You may wonder whether anyone else sees what’s happening to you or if they think there’s something wrong with them for feeling strange about things in their relationship with someone else.
Stop playing the blame game
Psychologist Jennifer Freyd says one of the telltale signs of being gaslighted is that you constantly feel like there’s something wrong with you. A gaslighter will make you feel like your reactions are too extreme, your memory is faulty, or you are too sensitive. The antidote for that mental exhaustion is to reframe it as a red flag that it may be time to re-evaluate your relationship. There’s no reason to wait until it gets worse. In fact, according to Freyd, sometimes people remain in toxic relationships because they convince themselves everything is fine, and they don’t want to think otherwise. People who leave earlier tend to have better outcomes, she says.
How to deal with it in a relationship Get it out of your head that you’re crazy. This is a form of psychological abuse, and it happens all the time, even to people who seem rational and together on the outside. The abusive person needs to feel like they have power over you, so they will do anything to keep you in line—including telling you that you’re too sensitive or worse. It is not your fault if someone gaslights you, and while ending a relationship with a gaslighter can be challenging, it can also be necessary for your survival. 2. Trust yourself. If you suspect that you are being gaslighted, then take action immediately. Don’t wait to see if things improve; they probably won’t. Your gut instinct is usually right, so don’t ignore it! 3. Talk about it. Tell someone you trust what’s going on, whether that’s a friend, family member, therapist, or other professional counselor. If possible, try to find a neutral third party who knows both of you well enough to give an objective opinion about what is happening in your relationship. 4. Read up on gaslighting and how to deal with it (and recognize it). There are many great resources online and in print (some listed below) that can help explain what is happening to you and how best to deal with it. 5. Know when enough is enough! Sometimes, no matter how much you want to save a relationship, it isn’t worth saving. Sometimes, we must put our happiness first and leave toxic relationships behind us. 6. Remember: You deserve better than gaslighting!
Dealing with someone who is gaslighting you (and their friends and family)
Sometimes, it’s hard to see your reality and realize that you’re being gaslighted, especially if you love someone or if that person is close to you. But if you find yourself constantly doubting your sanity or feeling hopeless, then it might be time to consider what your relationship with a gaslighter means for your mental health. Here are some signs that someone close to you may be trying to manipulate and control what happens in your life. The closest and most important people in our lives should respect and treat us kindly. Always remember: no one has a right to abuse or manipulate you!
What to do if you realize you’re gaslighting yourself
If you’re worried you might be gaslighting yourself, it’s important to remember that things might not be as bad as they seem. Your significant other may have some good qualities—but your relationship won’t improve until he or she becomes more respectful of your feelings and needs. Until then, you must care for yourself by setting healthy boundaries and limiting contact with your partner when possible. A good therapist can help you identify unhealthy patterns in your relationships and help you decide what steps are best for moving forward. There is a very high chance that your gaslighter will try to make you feel like you’re crazy if you tell anyone about his/her abusive behavior. This is another reason why seeking professional help is so crucial–it’s one of the few ways to get away from an abusive person without becoming isolated from family and friends. As hard as it may be, seeking support from others who understand what you’re going through is essential. It doesn’t matter whether they’ve been through something similar themselves–the most important thing is that they listen without judgment and encourage you to stand up for yourself. Remember: You deserve respect! Check out this video: https://youtu.be/gTDpLPr3j5s?si=9kyXrYiSZMIT4UFU
